August 22, 2007

Can I Get Some Prozac With That Exedrin?

Chiming in that I made it back for my first day--for us teachers, anyway. Before the day was out I was breaking into the headache medicine of which I am super stocked.

I know I wasn't psyched to go back to school, but after today, I'm just depressed.

The pressure of all the things we have to do to be effective teachers with all the best practices and documentation of all things behavioral and academic (for 150 students) is super stressful at times. Do this. Do that. Don't forget to do that other thing. Use technology. Make it all work together. Be sure to call the parents--for good and bad. And, by the way, you need to work closely with your colleagues because we can see how PLC is working for us. Ack!

I guess just sitting with my colleagues all day while they ask questions for which answers should be obvious just wore me down. I know I am going to have to work with some of them, yet some of them are not easy to work with. (When I have students who don't want to work with other students in class activities, I tell them it is real life experience and they need to learn how to deal with those situations. Boy, do I know.) I am not one for conflict, and I'm pretty easy-going. I'd imagine it's easy to walk all over me, but in my mind, I consider myself flexible. I've made it through a decade in this career, and I'd say that my ability to be flexible has been an important character trait in surviving. Yes, I'm one of those women who has a Plan B--and sometimes C and D--for everything. I learned it in the classroom.

Lately, though, I don't feel like bending over anymore. It is not worth my time to negotiate my way through everyone else's drama. Maybe it should my way or no way. Honestly, it seems like it usually goes one person's way, instead of compromising on all participants' accounts. Other teachers do not seem to have any qualms about going against the flow and doing exactly what they like. I'm so done with them. Somehow I feel like now I'm not being a good team player, but maybe the pleaser/do-gooder in me can get over that.

I had a conversation with a confidant of mine on staff. She feels like although the teachers at our school are all nice people, the atmosphere is too much like high school at times. There are very definite cliques. There's drama. There's gossip. There are even love triangles. I'd never really thought about it (other than some people act like middle school girls), but she's right. Those uncomfortable feelings of not quite fitting in... Most of the time I blow it off, and just social with whomever I like. Yea, I was one of those kids in school who didn't specifically fit in any one place. It's okay, but it is exhausting at times. I have to be careful because sometimes I feel caught between people who don't like each other. Seriously, what do I care about other people's lack of social graces? Oh, other than just like high school, not getting along with your colleagues can make your life a living hell.

Oh my gosh! Reality check. Now I'm all full of drama! I'm one of them. Maybe it's time for me to go back to teaching high school.

When you add up stressful working conditions with immature people, it's easy to get frustrated. These are not the feelings I want to start the year with. So, get my tantrum out. Have a good cry of frustration. Turn my frown upside. Get over it, aye?

That's right.

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