Sometimes students have the strangest ideas about writing rules. Oh yeah, it doesn't help that a lot of English rules are more suggestions. It makes writing just so much fun to teach!
Last week, the conversation about because came up with my desperate-to-pass-their-writing-exit-exam seniors.
"Miss, is it true that you can't start a sentence with because?"
I sighed. This is not the first time I've ever had this conversation with my hapless high schoolers.
"Nope. It's not true. That's something your elementary teachers told you so you wouldn't try to write sentences with because and then screw them up. You see, it's really easy to write a fragment when you start with because, but if you are careful, using it can create a good sentence."
Now, I don't know if it's really elementary teachers who perpetuate this idea, but someone is doing it. I understand that the teacher is probably trying to save them from themselves. Oh boy, do I understand that!
Once I show the students on the board how because can go bad fast, and how to fix it, they understood. I suspect that a few years back they might not have understood, but they get it now.
But it's during times like these when I wonder if I ever send students down the wrong path when I'm just trying to help.
Showing posts with label laugh lest we cry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label laugh lest we cry. Show all posts
September 24, 2011
August 12, 2011
The Locker Game
Poor Mrs. Bluebird, whose school started this week, has blogged about her school's locker woes. Besides dealing with the anxiety of nervous students who cannot figure out how to open locks, the the teachers at Mrs. Bluebird's school also have to deal with lockers are too old and tired to cooperate with students.
Locker Drama! The crazy things we teachers have to deal with besides teaching...
At our old school, we did not have enough lockers for students, so they had to carry everything with them. That situation was fraught with its own drama. At our new school, we have new lockers, but to prevent shenanigans in overcrowded, narrow hallways, students can only visit them before school, before and after lunch, and after school. Our locker drama is keeping kids out of them during the other passing periods.
The rule about staying out of lockers is serious, but many students believe that rules are made to be broken. In fact, for many of them, getting away with breaking the rules everyone else has to follow is a fun game.
The Locker Game
Objective:
Remove or place an item in the locker without getting caught.
Game Play:
Obviously, you need a reason for accessing your locker. It does not matter if it's real or critical. Just know your purpose.
If you get caught while the locker is open, the teacher may or may not let you get the thing you were trying to get, depending on teacher and mood. Whatever the outcome, try again next time.
Point Values:
+1 Access locker without getting caught for a forgotten textbook or assignment.
+3 Access locker without getting caught for the textbook or assignment you intentionally "forgot."
+1 Access locker to take or put away your jacket.
+1 if jacket is not dress code
+1 Access locker to put away textbooks you don't want to carry.
+2 Access locker to retrieve or put away gym clothes.
+1 if the clothes are not in a bag
+2 if the clothes are dirty/smelly
+1 Caught accessing locker but get off with a warning and mission completed.
+ 2 if you really didn't need to get in your locker
+ 1 if you told a story that wasn't exactly true
+4 Caught accessing locker, close it, and walk away while teacher is reprimanding you.
-1 Caught accessing locker before the door is open.
-2 Caught accessing locker but have to close it before completing mission.
-3 if the item is in your hand, but you have to put it back.
Strategies for Winning:
Set your combination so you just have to turn to the last number on the dial. Because the lock will automatically open when you reach that last number, this will save a lot of time, but do not let others see you setting up your lock for the quick open because they can quickly open your locker, too.
Although physically dangerous, open your locker when the hall is most crowded. The teachers cannot get to you.
Get 3-5 of your friends to gather around you to hide the opening. Make it quick, though. Groups of students standing around draw attention.
Make sure the item is ready to be grabbed. You do not have time to search your backpack for your "forgotten" textbook. Leave it on top.
If you are putting something in your locker, shove it in forcefully, pushing your whole arm into the back of the locker. If even a backpack strap falls out while you are closing your locker, you may not be be able to open it again. Jammed locker? You lose.
Game play ends June 6, 2012.
The winner gets to be the coolest person in school.
Locker Drama! The crazy things we teachers have to deal with besides teaching...
At our old school, we did not have enough lockers for students, so they had to carry everything with them. That situation was fraught with its own drama. At our new school, we have new lockers, but to prevent shenanigans in overcrowded, narrow hallways, students can only visit them before school, before and after lunch, and after school. Our locker drama is keeping kids out of them during the other passing periods.
The rule about staying out of lockers is serious, but many students believe that rules are made to be broken. In fact, for many of them, getting away with breaking the rules everyone else has to follow is a fun game.
The Locker Game
Objective:
Remove or place an item in the locker without getting caught.
Game Play:
Obviously, you need a reason for accessing your locker. It does not matter if it's real or critical. Just know your purpose.
If you get caught while the locker is open, the teacher may or may not let you get the thing you were trying to get, depending on teacher and mood. Whatever the outcome, try again next time.
Point Values:
+1 Access locker without getting caught for a forgotten textbook or assignment.
+3 Access locker without getting caught for the textbook or assignment you intentionally "forgot."
+1 Access locker to take or put away your jacket.
+1 if jacket is not dress code
+1 Access locker to put away textbooks you don't want to carry.
+2 Access locker to retrieve or put away gym clothes.
+1 if the clothes are not in a bag
+2 if the clothes are dirty/smelly
+1 Caught accessing locker but get off with a warning and mission completed.
+ 2 if you really didn't need to get in your locker
+ 1 if you told a story that wasn't exactly true
+4 Caught accessing locker, close it, and walk away while teacher is reprimanding you.
-1 Caught accessing locker before the door is open.
-2 Caught accessing locker but have to close it before completing mission.
-3 if the item is in your hand, but you have to put it back.
Strategies for Winning:
Set your combination so you just have to turn to the last number on the dial. Because the lock will automatically open when you reach that last number, this will save a lot of time, but do not let others see you setting up your lock for the quick open because they can quickly open your locker, too.
Although physically dangerous, open your locker when the hall is most crowded. The teachers cannot get to you.
Get 3-5 of your friends to gather around you to hide the opening. Make it quick, though. Groups of students standing around draw attention.
Make sure the item is ready to be grabbed. You do not have time to search your backpack for your "forgotten" textbook. Leave it on top.
If you are putting something in your locker, shove it in forcefully, pushing your whole arm into the back of the locker. If even a backpack strap falls out while you are closing your locker, you may not be be able to open it again. Jammed locker? You lose.
Game play ends June 6, 2012.
The winner gets to be the coolest person in school.
July 10, 2011
Reflections on Zombies
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Perhaps you think you’re safe as long as no mad scientist comes up with a way to reanimate the dead? Think again and read some zombie fiction. These living dead don’t have to brought back to life. A nice coma would do if you really want your average zombie to have that classic element of surprise when you find that something you thought was dead really isn’t. Simply a degradation of human function would probably freak me out enough. One day my spouse is hugging and kissing me, and the next day he wants to get close so he can feed on my juicy flesh and delicious brains. “Holy Living Dead! When did my sweetie become a zombie? This wasn’t in the vows! RUN!”
The real question is whether I believe enough that zombies could exist and if I should be prepared for an attack. Considering I’m an overweight, 40 year-old woman living in an urban area with only a 60% chance of surviving a zombie apocalypse, it’s quite unlikely that I’m going to take up an interest in machetes and shotguns. “I used to enjoy cooking and crafts in my free time, but now spend my time honing my commando survival skills. Wanna see my guns? A zombie apocalypse will come, you know.” How crazy does that sound? I think I’ll try to keep the possibilities tucked into my nightmares for now and hope that zombie popularity isn’t an omen.
According
to a series of Internet surveys, I have only 60% chance of surviving a zombie
apocalypse. It was pretty consistent across the board. (Try a few surveys here,
here, and here. There are dozens of them.) A mere 60%. I’m
pretty impressed with those numbers considering I know nothing about how to
survive zombie-ridden world, but then on the other hand if I can to go up
against a rabid pack of zombies, I’d really want my percentages to be much
better—more like a 100%. It’s my life we’re talking about here. But we are
talking about zombies not the swine flu. Just how likely is it that zombies
might attack me? Actually, I’m not sure.
Have
you noticed our culture’s current obsession with zombies? For a long time,
vampires were the monster de jour because somehow they were sexy and romantic.
What other way could we women get a true (and literal) renaissance man and the
hope of eternal life? Chilvary’s not dead! Any vampire I’ve met in pop culture,
revels in eternal youth and beauty. Swoon! So what if I can’t die? Oh, the
tragedy of enjoying everything life has to offer! Who cares that I would have
to drink blood? Squirt some chocolate in it or mix it with some vodka. I
guarantee it will taste better than that psyllium and lemon juice “health”
tonic I drank this morning. Vampires and their lifestyle sound enticing, so I
can understand how people could become fascinated with vampires, but zombies?
Ugh. They have no glamour.
A charming zombie is
a dead zombie. I mean really dead, incapacitated, and decapitated. This brand
of undead has no class. Stinking, rotting flesh falling off their bones…grossly
misshapen bodies drag across the ground… and apparently, zombies have one
thought: “Brains!” Now, I don’t know enough about zombies to know if this is an
exaggeration, but it is evident that zombies do not possess high-level brain
functions as they simply wander around mumbling and groaning. Poor hygiene,
decaying complexion, and a one-track mind--how can the public be so obsessed
with this monster?
It’s sad how the
public mood has changed in its fascination with the undead. With an interest in
vampire fantasies, people were often hopeful and optimistic. I know that not
all vampires are like Lestat and Edward, but at least with a vampire lifestyle,
according to popular fiction, one can function almost normally as a
human being. I’ve been waiting for stories told from a zombie’s point of view,
but that unlikely to happen. Zombies don’t think; they react. They attack and
eat with no control, often infecting those they attack. This is where their
popularity troubles me. With even one zombie comes a whole apocalypse. Why is
our culture obsessed with a monster that will annihilate the human race? Are
people wondering if the end is near?
I’ve enjoyed good
vampires stories for two decades, and in recent years, it has become such a
popular genre that the market has been saturated with a glut of paranormal
fiction. Never once in those years did I entertain the thought that vampires
might exist. Not even when I’ve seen young people imitating the vampiric life,
including the whole blood drinking thing, did I ever fear for my ephemeral
life. Come on! Vampires? Wipe off your pasty makeup, pop out those fangs, and
get a job!
But zombies…as ridiculous as they sound, I have half a mind to believe that they could exist. As a culture, we are halfway there. Our attention span is limited to the equivalent of 140 characters of digital drivel, as we bump our way through society, stopping only to refuel with anything that comes with fries. Perhaps it is extreme to think that we are so disconnected we might as well be zombies. However, in all seriousness, if our world did become overrun with zombies, I wonder how long it would take for anybody to notice.
Besides killing ourselves with mind-numbing “culture,” what we should worry about is biological warfare. Let’s consider government conspiracies and mad scientists who could create viruses that will spread like wildfire, killing the human race as we know it. You see, some of the popular zombie fiction is based on the premise that a zombie apocalypse begins after a terrible virus is released. Brain-hungry walking dead sound bit far-fetched, but evil men creating biological weapons of mass destruction are much more plausible. If you believe that biological weapons are also too fantastical to reality, consider these common diseases that could make one act like a zombie:
But zombies…as ridiculous as they sound, I have half a mind to believe that they could exist. As a culture, we are halfway there. Our attention span is limited to the equivalent of 140 characters of digital drivel, as we bump our way through society, stopping only to refuel with anything that comes with fries. Perhaps it is extreme to think that we are so disconnected we might as well be zombies. However, in all seriousness, if our world did become overrun with zombies, I wonder how long it would take for anybody to notice.
Besides killing ourselves with mind-numbing “culture,” what we should worry about is biological warfare. Let’s consider government conspiracies and mad scientists who could create viruses that will spread like wildfire, killing the human race as we know it. You see, some of the popular zombie fiction is based on the premise that a zombie apocalypse begins after a terrible virus is released. Brain-hungry walking dead sound bit far-fetched, but evil men creating biological weapons of mass destruction are much more plausible. If you believe that biological weapons are also too fantastical to reality, consider these common diseases that could make one act like a zombie:
- Rabies. People infected with rabies, which comes from an animal bite, often exhibit strange and violent behavior. They might have paralysis and could become mentally impaired to the point of irrationality. Images of violent, crazy people foaming at the mouth coming to mind?
- Sleeping Sickness. Induced by the attack of a parasite that goes right to the brain, the carrier gradually becomes less coherent as the parasite eats away at the brain. No brain function would certainly make one zombie-like.
- Necrosis. Premature dying cell tissue can certainly provide the look of a rotting zombie. It spreads and can cause limbs to die long before the brain does. Stinking gangrene, anyone?
- Leprosy. A highly contagious, often slowly developing skin condition that can deteriorate to necrosis and deformation, it is the epitome of what people might consider a zombie looks like. It’s been decades since anyone has seen leprosy, but often people who had it were treated as if they were already dead.
Of course, none of
these afflictions alone makes a zombie, but what if a mad scientist mixed
together a concoction of these diseases—or something even worse that we don’t
even know about that includes cannibalism? Welcome to my dead man’s
party!
Perhaps you think you’re safe as long as no mad scientist comes up with a way to reanimate the dead? Think again and read some zombie fiction. These living dead don’t have to brought back to life. A nice coma would do if you really want your average zombie to have that classic element of surprise when you find that something you thought was dead really isn’t. Simply a degradation of human function would probably freak me out enough. One day my spouse is hugging and kissing me, and the next day he wants to get close so he can feed on my juicy flesh and delicious brains. “Holy Living Dead! When did my sweetie become a zombie? This wasn’t in the vows! RUN!”
The real question is whether I believe enough that zombies could exist and if I should be prepared for an attack. Considering I’m an overweight, 40 year-old woman living in an urban area with only a 60% chance of surviving a zombie apocalypse, it’s quite unlikely that I’m going to take up an interest in machetes and shotguns. “I used to enjoy cooking and crafts in my free time, but now spend my time honing my commando survival skills. Wanna see my guns? A zombie apocalypse will come, you know.” How crazy does that sound? I think I’ll try to keep the possibilities tucked into my nightmares for now and hope that zombie popularity isn’t an omen.
November 30, 2010
School's Not a Buffet
Hitting the ground running today so I can save my students from themselves. I hate that duty.
When I was out of the classroom 1 1/2 weeks ago (seems so long ago), I gave some assessments. One was a chart for students to map out some cause and effects of the novel. The other was an essay relating their own lives to the essential question of the unit. Each one was given in one day and was to be collected the same day. The sub knew this, and the writing assignment even stated that it was due at the end of class. Imagine my shock when I found that some students didn't turn it in. Thus, these students have Fs on assessments. No big deal? Assessments account for 50% of their grades.
I think the sub factor played a part in this crisis, but I'm mostly blaming the students. When the sub asked for papers to be passed forward, why did they think they had the option to not follow instructions? It could have easily happened with me standing at the front of the room, collecting their work just before the bell because I wanted to give them as much time as possible.
I'm calling this the buffet mentality that my students have:
I'll do this work but not that work.
That looks yucky, so I think I'll skip it.
I took bite, but I'm just going to throw the rest away.
That work is good. Can I have extra?
Oh, and because I found two charts with the exact same answers, let me add:
Can I have some of yours?
I should just say, "Your parents are paying the same price no matter how much you 'eat.'"
I can already anticipate those who threw theirs away are going to be hungry now that the meal is over. The parents will probably wonder why their kids didn't get enough. My administrator will probably wonder how they could walk in, sit down, not be a happy little consumer. Did I not serve them?
Sure, I served the picky little ones. Apparently I'm not allowed to force-fed them, so what can I do?
Detention. You will sit there until you finish.
(That's a battle of wills to take on, thus a rotten day for me...)
When I was out of the classroom 1 1/2 weeks ago (seems so long ago), I gave some assessments. One was a chart for students to map out some cause and effects of the novel. The other was an essay relating their own lives to the essential question of the unit. Each one was given in one day and was to be collected the same day. The sub knew this, and the writing assignment even stated that it was due at the end of class. Imagine my shock when I found that some students didn't turn it in. Thus, these students have Fs on assessments. No big deal? Assessments account for 50% of their grades.
I think the sub factor played a part in this crisis, but I'm mostly blaming the students. When the sub asked for papers to be passed forward, why did they think they had the option to not follow instructions? It could have easily happened with me standing at the front of the room, collecting their work just before the bell because I wanted to give them as much time as possible.
I'm calling this the buffet mentality that my students have:
I'll do this work but not that work.
That looks yucky, so I think I'll skip it.
I took bite, but I'm just going to throw the rest away.
That work is good. Can I have extra?
Oh, and because I found two charts with the exact same answers, let me add:
Can I have some of yours?
I should just say, "Your parents are paying the same price no matter how much you 'eat.'"
I can already anticipate those who threw theirs away are going to be hungry now that the meal is over. The parents will probably wonder why their kids didn't get enough. My administrator will probably wonder how they could walk in, sit down, not be a happy little consumer. Did I not serve them?
Sure, I served the picky little ones. Apparently I'm not allowed to force-fed them, so what can I do?
Detention. You will sit there until you finish.
(That's a battle of wills to take on, thus a rotten day for me...)
October 11, 2010
Bring Your Brain to School, Okay?
Today we reviewed compare/contrast essays today because for their monthly reading project, students have to write an essay comparing an aspect of their books to something else. I gave students several thing that they could compare, but I still had a couple of students ask if they could compare things other than what I was offering. Although some of them had good ideas, such as comparing two characters in the book, I asked them to stick to the seven possible comparisons I offered.
One student asked if he could do a different comparison that was not as brilliant:
"Could I compare the paperback to the hardback?"
I took a deep breath before I made my snide remark. I looked toward the back of the room where there was a parent volunteer and bit my tongue from delivering the thoughts that instantly popped into my head: "No, you #?#*$ idiot!"
Instead, I smiled at the student and said, "No, let's just stick to the options I've given you. But, do you think you would have much to compare between the paperback and hardback?"
Behind the student, his classmates rolling their eyes.
He answered, "Well, I guess not."
"And why is that?" I asked.
He looked a little stumped.
"Because it's the same book, right?" I prompted.
A light bulb went off above his head, "Oh yeah!"
(Face palm by teacher.)
One student asked if he could do a different comparison that was not as brilliant:
"Could I compare the paperback to the hardback?"
I took a deep breath before I made my snide remark. I looked toward the back of the room where there was a parent volunteer and bit my tongue from delivering the thoughts that instantly popped into my head: "No, you #?#*$ idiot!"
Instead, I smiled at the student and said, "No, let's just stick to the options I've given you. But, do you think you would have much to compare between the paperback and hardback?"
Behind the student, his classmates rolling their eyes.
He answered, "Well, I guess not."
"And why is that?" I asked.
He looked a little stumped.
"Because it's the same book, right?" I prompted.
A light bulb went off above his head, "Oh yeah!"
(Face palm by teacher.)
October 1, 2010
You Know You Need a Day Off When...
This morning, I met with the other accelerated English teacher, Mrs. E., to plan for next week. The students are reading The Secret Life of Bees, and it will probably take us forever at the rate we are going. We debated over how many chapters we could feasible ask the student to read next week, and we decided to hold our schedule tight. I distinctly remember Mrs. E saying, "We cannot push back reading chapters 6-7 into the following week or it will be Thanksgiving before we're done!" Okay, so we decided that students could indeed read those two chapters by the end of Friday. The following week we planned to do a writing assignment that would take us a few days from the book, so that was why we really wanted to get a good chunk out of the book before we put it down for a few days.
After we finished planning, we talked about the staff development day we have coming up next Friday. Both of us are on the professional development committee, and since our first meeting was just a few days ago, and our first PD day is in a week, and during this PD we teachers will be conducting our own trainings, we are kind of scrambling to get things in place. I was unable to find some information that was integral for our plans, so we talked about what we could do and then we decided to try to call a meeting today.
As crazy as it was, I e-mailed everyone with the information I could find with some suggestions and asked if anyone could meet today after school for a bit. Super crazy is really the idea considering it was noon before I could get it out. (You know those days when it takes four hours to construct an e-mail?) Miracle of all miracles--there were four out of six of who did show up after school, so we spent a little under an hour getting things shaped up better.
About 20 minutes after the meeting broke up, I was setting my boards for Monday, writing the homework due dates for the week, when it hit me what idiots Mrs. E. and I were.
Our time spent debating whether to go on with our novel and how to juggle our classrooms to make it happen was all pretty pointless because there is no school for students on Friday--staff development day! DUH! I've forgotten about staff development days before and planned for students to be there, but this is serious silliness considering I'm part of the planning committee for the day!
And to think how I get so irritated with my students don't make connections to the things they learn. Well, I'm not in much better shape. I cannot even make connections of things I'm creating. I think it's pretty evident that I have a one-track mind. Or I'm going crazy. You choose.
After we finished planning, we talked about the staff development day we have coming up next Friday. Both of us are on the professional development committee, and since our first meeting was just a few days ago, and our first PD day is in a week, and during this PD we teachers will be conducting our own trainings, we are kind of scrambling to get things in place. I was unable to find some information that was integral for our plans, so we talked about what we could do and then we decided to try to call a meeting today.
As crazy as it was, I e-mailed everyone with the information I could find with some suggestions and asked if anyone could meet today after school for a bit. Super crazy is really the idea considering it was noon before I could get it out. (You know those days when it takes four hours to construct an e-mail?) Miracle of all miracles--there were four out of six of who did show up after school, so we spent a little under an hour getting things shaped up better.
About 20 minutes after the meeting broke up, I was setting my boards for Monday, writing the homework due dates for the week, when it hit me what idiots Mrs. E. and I were.
Our time spent debating whether to go on with our novel and how to juggle our classrooms to make it happen was all pretty pointless because there is no school for students on Friday--staff development day! DUH! I've forgotten about staff development days before and planned for students to be there, but this is serious silliness considering I'm part of the planning committee for the day!
And to think how I get so irritated with my students don't make connections to the things they learn. Well, I'm not in much better shape. I cannot even make connections of things I'm creating. I think it's pretty evident that I have a one-track mind. Or I'm going crazy. You choose.
May 27, 2010
Ama
I have been an English teacher for long enough that I can see why students make certain mistakes. Most of them are quite predictable, so I typically try to address the common problems before I see it too much. Usually the students are quite shocked to find that they are even making errors. Often my bilingual students are the worst because they do not understand that what we say is not what we write.
The evolution of cause (worse: cuz) is easy to explain to students.
Incorrect usage: My sister boyfriend is a tool cause he dropped out of school.
Of course, that sentence does not make sense because, technically, cause is the wrong word. It makes no sense in the context.
So, I show students: because --> 'cause --> cause --> cuz.
I don't need to give you the details; you know how this disaster happens. It has to do with how we speak. No big deal, right? Just use the real word in your writing. Are you imagining me in front of the classroom explaining this devolution? I always like those days because I see light bulbs going off all over the classroom along with a chorus of "Oh! I didn't know!" From juniors and seniors! Hilarious!
In the last few years, I have seen of joins the verb ranks, nearly putting poor have out of a job. This one is frustrating and harder to explain to students who simply want to use the language well enough to pass their proficiency writing exams and get a job. Even more, it's absolutely entertaining seeing students who know the difference interact with students who don't.
A conversation between two students in my creative writing class:
"'My brother should of given me some money.' This is suppose to be have not of."
"Huh?"
"It's should HAVE, not should OF."
"Are you sure?"
"YES! SHOULD HAVE. HAVE. HAVE!"
"Uhm. Okay. I guess--Hey, Ms. HappyChyck, is it should have or should of?"
And then a series of eye rolls follow (between me and the students who know the answer to this easy question) as I calmly answer, "Yep, it's have."
It's during time like those that all the suffering I endure being a blasted English teacher is worth it.
As in tune as I am to these common writing issues in my classroom, so much that I hardly blink an eye over them, this week one of my students who just joined my class this quarter introduced me to a new crazy devolution of language.
AMA
As in, "Ama miss you next year." This is what the student wrote in a letter to a teacher she was thanking for helping her in her education. A letter, I need to add, that would be given to her teacher--not just a random writing assignment. A real letter on nice paper! Time to make a good impression!
I called her over to so I could help her revise, and I said, "What the heck is this?"
"Ama."
"You mean, 'I am going to,' right?"
She shrugged her shoulders.
"You should change it. Nobody is going to know what you're saying. Use some real words, even if they are contractions."
"Oh no, Miss, she'll get it!"
"I doubt it."
"No, she will!" And then the girl went bouncing back to her seat like she had no worries in the world.
Does anyone have a gun? A needle? Please, shoot me now!
I just sat like the speechless, powerless fool I am.
Sometimes I hate being an English teacher.
The evolution of cause (worse: cuz) is easy to explain to students.
Incorrect usage: My sister boyfriend is a tool cause he dropped out of school.
Of course, that sentence does not make sense because, technically, cause is the wrong word. It makes no sense in the context.
So, I show students: because --> 'cause --> cause --> cuz.
I don't need to give you the details; you know how this disaster happens. It has to do with how we speak. No big deal, right? Just use the real word in your writing. Are you imagining me in front of the classroom explaining this devolution? I always like those days because I see light bulbs going off all over the classroom along with a chorus of "Oh! I didn't know!" From juniors and seniors! Hilarious!
In the last few years, I have seen of joins the verb ranks, nearly putting poor have out of a job. This one is frustrating and harder to explain to students who simply want to use the language well enough to pass their proficiency writing exams and get a job. Even more, it's absolutely entertaining seeing students who know the difference interact with students who don't.
A conversation between two students in my creative writing class:
"'My brother should of given me some money.' This is suppose to be have not of."
"Huh?"
"It's should HAVE, not should OF."
"Are you sure?"
"YES! SHOULD HAVE. HAVE. HAVE!"
"Uhm. Okay. I guess--Hey, Ms. HappyChyck, is it should have or should of?"
And then a series of eye rolls follow (between me and the students who know the answer to this easy question) as I calmly answer, "Yep, it's have."
It's during time like those that all the suffering I endure being a blasted English teacher is worth it.
As in tune as I am to these common writing issues in my classroom, so much that I hardly blink an eye over them, this week one of my students who just joined my class this quarter introduced me to a new crazy devolution of language.
AMA
As in, "Ama miss you next year." This is what the student wrote in a letter to a teacher she was thanking for helping her in her education. A letter, I need to add, that would be given to her teacher--not just a random writing assignment. A real letter on nice paper! Time to make a good impression!
I called her over to so I could help her revise, and I said, "What the heck is this?"
"Ama."
"You mean, 'I am going to,' right?"
She shrugged her shoulders.
"You should change it. Nobody is going to know what you're saying. Use some real words, even if they are contractions."
"Oh no, Miss, she'll get it!"
"I doubt it."
"No, she will!" And then the girl went bouncing back to her seat like she had no worries in the world.
Does anyone have a gun? A needle? Please, shoot me now!
I just sat like the speechless, powerless fool I am.
Sometimes I hate being an English teacher.
November 9, 2008
Always with the Unexpected Outcomes in Education
During my yearbook class on Friday, during which time is my friend Jamie's lunch, we stood in the back of my classroom crying and gnashing our teeth about the goofy shirts we had to wear.
"It's awful! I'm so fat. It doesn't fit. I look stupid!"
"I know! If I button my all the way, I can't breath."
"Are you going to the picture?"
"I don't know. Will anyone notice?"
"Probably."
"Who picked these shirts, anyway?"
"Probably our beloved supervisor. She is so out to get us this year!"
"They look like bowling shirts!"
"Yes they do!"
"Hey--we should go bowling."
"Yeah, we should!"
"What are you doing this weekend?"
"Nothing. We should totally go bowling."
So we went bowling last night.
And it was fun.
"It's awful! I'm so fat. It doesn't fit. I look stupid!"
"I know! If I button my all the way, I can't breath."
"Are you going to the picture?"
"I don't know. Will anyone notice?"
"Probably."
"Who picked these shirts, anyway?"
"Probably our beloved supervisor. She is so out to get us this year!"
"They look like bowling shirts!"
"Yes they do!"
"Hey--we should go bowling."
"Yeah, we should!"
"What are you doing this weekend?"
"Nothing. We should totally go bowling."
So we went bowling last night.
And it was fun.
September 20, 2008
Because We Like to Share Misery
I had the worst professional day on Thursday.
It started as I was getting into the car and I remembered that our new school does not have wireless Internet yet. You'd think that after a month I'd remember that I can't do things like I have for the past four years. This is particularly stressful because I had planned to stream a video from United Streaming from my laptop, which would be plugged into the projector.
So, when I arrived, I tried to download the movie from my desktop, so I could save it to my flash drive, and then I could plug it into my computer...only, I couldn't get it to download. It wasn't even a very long movie. My friend came in, and she's pretty computer smart, so she tried. Then she ended up calling the computer tech person so she could go get an extra long Ethernet cable so could I hard wire my connection. That didn't work either because I couldn't configure to our system. Sigh.
Long story short, I eventually able to get things going by my second class, as I had a prep between, but I punted in the first class and the students played The Uhm Game (my version's better, but it's similiar to this one), which was probably a lot more fun than a video on Shakespeare's life and times. Not harmful, but not the most productive. I apologized to the students, but they didn't seem to care.
Because I was dealing with all of that, I didn't check my mailbox in the morning, so it later in the day when I went, I found a notification of a parent-teacher conference. In fact, I found it about 10 minutes after the conference was scheduled to start... I dashed over to the conference room, without a progress report in hand. I couldn't decide which would be worse: not showing up at all or showing up late and unprepared. I'd like to think that I chose lesser of the two evils. Super embarrassing.
I left the meeting feeling like a snake's belly--in more ways than one. Did I mention that I woke up with a cold coming on? I should have added that because throughout the whole technology fiasco, I really wanted to just to home and go to bed.
And just before the meeting, I received an e-mail from a colleague where I couldn't read the tone to know if she was asking me a sincere question or taking a shot at me. This colleague was in the meeting.
And while I was checking e-mail, I found a message to the whole staff about a certain school-wide procedure that my department had been told we were going to do one way and now we had to tell our students to do it another way. Frustrating! It's been a struggle, and now that we finally have them trained, and we have to go and tell them to do it a different way, which is the way most of them were doing it anyway. As one of my fellow English teachers said, "Now we're going look to like asses." Indeed.
That would have been the perfect time to just leave early, but I had a stack of papers I needed to grade so I could get promised progress reports out on Friday. And let's not forget the faculty meeting after school, too. Bleah.
I made it home--albeit late--without dying in a fiery crash. After all, my driving has nothing to do with my professional life.
Crossing my fingers that the last part of my teaching day would go well, I went to night school, and even arrived early. While I was waiting in the teachers' lounge, I reached into my bag to get something and discovered that a can of soda (caffeine I would desperately need later) had been punctured. What punctured it? My cell phone? My camera? The plastic tip of a mechanical pencil? Some evil demon stalking me?
Some of the books in my bag received a little damage, but the brunt of the damage went to the feedback forms I had for my day school students on the speeches they had given this week. I would never accept such messy papers, and there's no way I'm giving messy papers either. What's worse is that on some of the papers I had used a felt tip pen, so the paper was just a blur of red and Diet Coke. What do I say to those kids? Without notes, I certainly don't remember how they did! Grrr.
My classes went okay, except for 6th hour. I have a student who is giving me problems, and I keep trying to work with him, but he keeps acting like he's doing nothing wrong. His cool-guy act is not helping be a better reader or writer at all. I moved him to a table where he would be away from his situation so everyone could focus better, but he couldn't get comfortable because he's a big guy, and the table was rather low. So, I moved Goldilocks to the teacher desk, and I moved everything out of his way and turned off the computer.
On Friday, I found out that was about the dumbest thing I could have done because he wrote on the computer screen. (It was apparently about an inch, written in ink, but we don't know what it looked like because the day teacher rubbed it off before taking a photo.) I know better than to let students use teacher computers, but I didn't think he'd get in trouble sitting at the desk with my aide sitting across from him and me in a direct line of sight. How wrong I was. (My aide is 16 going on 35, and she has no tolerance for the students who show up to school and just think they can goof off and graduate. She even took the opportunity to lecture him.)
Oh, and by the way, having a student write on a computer screen is a new one for me. Add that to my book of Stupid Things Kids Might Do.
Since the day school teachers at the school think that all things "night school" are straight up thug, including the teachers, my attempt to deal with this student, who really needs a boot up his rear, but I'm trying to deal with one on one, has set off another battle between the day school and night school teachers--don't think that this incident is just between the me, the student, the other teacher and the administrators at both schools. Oh no. Every teacher at both schools knows about this. Although the building has always been used for a dual school, we night teachers are interlopers. Or maybe even worse.
Okay, let's add them up. That's FIVE ways Happy Chyck can look like an unprofessional dolt. All wrapped up into one day. I hope that was my allotment for the rest of the year. Seriously. I took bitter pill after bitter pill all day long, and even into Friday, as I faced all of these issues head on, admitting my culpability each time. I certainly didn't lead by example. I hope I was able to screw up by example.
It started as I was getting into the car and I remembered that our new school does not have wireless Internet yet. You'd think that after a month I'd remember that I can't do things like I have for the past four years. This is particularly stressful because I had planned to stream a video from United Streaming from my laptop, which would be plugged into the projector.
So, when I arrived, I tried to download the movie from my desktop, so I could save it to my flash drive, and then I could plug it into my computer...only, I couldn't get it to download. It wasn't even a very long movie. My friend came in, and she's pretty computer smart, so she tried. Then she ended up calling the computer tech person so she could go get an extra long Ethernet cable so could I hard wire my connection. That didn't work either because I couldn't configure to our system. Sigh.
Long story short, I eventually able to get things going by my second class, as I had a prep between, but I punted in the first class and the students played The Uhm Game (my version's better, but it's similiar to this one), which was probably a lot more fun than a video on Shakespeare's life and times. Not harmful, but not the most productive. I apologized to the students, but they didn't seem to care.
Because I was dealing with all of that, I didn't check my mailbox in the morning, so it later in the day when I went, I found a notification of a parent-teacher conference. In fact, I found it about 10 minutes after the conference was scheduled to start... I dashed over to the conference room, without a progress report in hand. I couldn't decide which would be worse: not showing up at all or showing up late and unprepared. I'd like to think that I chose lesser of the two evils. Super embarrassing.
I left the meeting feeling like a snake's belly--in more ways than one. Did I mention that I woke up with a cold coming on? I should have added that because throughout the whole technology fiasco, I really wanted to just to home and go to bed.
And just before the meeting, I received an e-mail from a colleague where I couldn't read the tone to know if she was asking me a sincere question or taking a shot at me. This colleague was in the meeting.
And while I was checking e-mail, I found a message to the whole staff about a certain school-wide procedure that my department had been told we were going to do one way and now we had to tell our students to do it another way. Frustrating! It's been a struggle, and now that we finally have them trained, and we have to go and tell them to do it a different way, which is the way most of them were doing it anyway. As one of my fellow English teachers said, "Now we're going look to like asses." Indeed.
That would have been the perfect time to just leave early, but I had a stack of papers I needed to grade so I could get promised progress reports out on Friday. And let's not forget the faculty meeting after school, too. Bleah.
I made it home--albeit late--without dying in a fiery crash. After all, my driving has nothing to do with my professional life.
Crossing my fingers that the last part of my teaching day would go well, I went to night school, and even arrived early. While I was waiting in the teachers' lounge, I reached into my bag to get something and discovered that a can of soda (caffeine I would desperately need later) had been punctured. What punctured it? My cell phone? My camera? The plastic tip of a mechanical pencil? Some evil demon stalking me?
Some of the books in my bag received a little damage, but the brunt of the damage went to the feedback forms I had for my day school students on the speeches they had given this week. I would never accept such messy papers, and there's no way I'm giving messy papers either. What's worse is that on some of the papers I had used a felt tip pen, so the paper was just a blur of red and Diet Coke. What do I say to those kids? Without notes, I certainly don't remember how they did! Grrr.
My classes went okay, except for 6th hour. I have a student who is giving me problems, and I keep trying to work with him, but he keeps acting like he's doing nothing wrong. His cool-guy act is not helping be a better reader or writer at all. I moved him to a table where he would be away from his situation so everyone could focus better, but he couldn't get comfortable because he's a big guy, and the table was rather low. So, I moved Goldilocks to the teacher desk, and I moved everything out of his way and turned off the computer.
On Friday, I found out that was about the dumbest thing I could have done because he wrote on the computer screen. (It was apparently about an inch, written in ink, but we don't know what it looked like because the day teacher rubbed it off before taking a photo.) I know better than to let students use teacher computers, but I didn't think he'd get in trouble sitting at the desk with my aide sitting across from him and me in a direct line of sight. How wrong I was. (My aide is 16 going on 35, and she has no tolerance for the students who show up to school and just think they can goof off and graduate. She even took the opportunity to lecture him.)
Oh, and by the way, having a student write on a computer screen is a new one for me. Add that to my book of Stupid Things Kids Might Do.
Since the day school teachers at the school think that all things "night school" are straight up thug, including the teachers, my attempt to deal with this student, who really needs a boot up his rear, but I'm trying to deal with one on one, has set off another battle between the day school and night school teachers--don't think that this incident is just between the me, the student, the other teacher and the administrators at both schools. Oh no. Every teacher at both schools knows about this. Although the building has always been used for a dual school, we night teachers are interlopers. Or maybe even worse.
Okay, let's add them up. That's FIVE ways Happy Chyck can look like an unprofessional dolt. All wrapped up into one day. I hope that was my allotment for the rest of the year. Seriously. I took bitter pill after bitter pill all day long, and even into Friday, as I faced all of these issues head on, admitting my culpability each time. I certainly didn't lead by example. I hope I was able to screw up by example.
February 4, 2008
Breaking the Tension
"Don't forget that this is all the space you'll have to write your final essay," I walked slowly around the room showing the answers sheet that students will have to write their essays on tomorrow. Many students are concerned that they will run out of room on the paper before they get all of their thoughts down.
Victor raised his hand, "Uhm. Can we, uh, use a different font?"
I grinned and several students turned to look at poor, confused Victor. It's a hand-written exam. What's he talking about? He stumbled, "I mean, uh, the size."
"Yes, Victor, you can use a smaller font, but I'd say no smaller than 10 point. People need to read it!"
Jason joined in the joke: "Should we use Times New Roman?"
"Sure."
"What about Helvetica."
"No."
"But--"
"No, Helvetica is a san serif font. Use it for titles, not for large sections of text."
Sarah also piped in, "Well, what about Comic Sans?"
"I suppose if you must," I said bringing our silliness to a close. "Any other questions before we begin?"
My computer-dependent students chuckled at our joking before picking up their pencils and beginning their writing assessments.
Victor raised his hand, "Uhm. Can we, uh, use a different font?"
I grinned and several students turned to look at poor, confused Victor. It's a hand-written exam. What's he talking about? He stumbled, "I mean, uh, the size."
"Yes, Victor, you can use a smaller font, but I'd say no smaller than 10 point. People need to read it!"
Jason joined in the joke: "Should we use Times New Roman?"
"Sure."
"What about Helvetica."
"No."
"But--"
"No, Helvetica is a san serif font. Use it for titles, not for large sections of text."
Sarah also piped in, "Well, what about Comic Sans?"
"I suppose if you must," I said bringing our silliness to a close. "Any other questions before we begin?"
My computer-dependent students chuckled at our joking before picking up their pencils and beginning their writing assessments.
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